Tasteful Flirting

7 08 2008

One of my friends wrote this to one of her friends.  Her friend asked on the Rebelution if there was a such thing as tasteful flirting.  This is her answer:

I would be one of the last people to tell you to stop being friends with guys! I have some very close guy friends that are really amazing guys. (The coolest of them I have actually met on the forum.) I will also be the first person to tell you that there has to be boundaries. It can get tough, very tough, not to slip into flirty conversations. Even more when it is IM(or just regular conversations) and not just emails and projects that you are working on. Goofing around can sometimes come off as flirty and that is something I have to watch.One thing to consider is the TYPE of guys that we hang out with and are friends with. I know this from experience. It is easy to get into flirty conversations with immature guys more than guys that on fire for Christ. Most of the “friends” that are guys in my life that are more immature and flirty, we have gone our separate ways.

It is really cool to have guy friends that you can talk about theology or what you have been studying in the Bible, really having any friends that you can do that with is such a blessing. Ok, when going to my friend Josh and asking him for his opinion this is one thing he said,
“I think that kind of behavior should be reserved for one’s spouse. That kind of thing can get a little dangerous, and the morality of it is highly questionable.”
Here are some questions my mom wrote down on this topic that are meant to make people think.
What is the purpose of flirting?
What emotions/thoughts is it encouraging in a young man?
How would you feel about the same behaviors if your parents were around?
Do you think a Godly young man admires a “flirter”? (I thought it was funny that we had thought about the same point. Like mother like daughter I guess.)
Are you becoming a temptation to a young man?
Read Prov. 7 – the ungodly woman is the one who entices men to sin. (She lures him in) ~Olivia Erickson (Nobody416)


I asked one of my guy friends what he thought about “Tasteful Flirting.”  This is his reply:

Yes, I would say there is. But that would also depend on your definition of “a girl.” I think it is okay when it is a person whom a guy is courting, and has made perfectly clear their desire for marriage(when directed towards that person, obviously). However, if you are talking about flirtation by a girl to a guy with whom they are not currently in a relationship with, then I would say a definite no. I believe very strongly in a courting process, and that the young man should always be the one to initiate the process. If a girl is flirting, whether or not it is in a sexually seductive manner, or not, it is a clear desire expressed by the young lady to get into a relationship with the young man.So, in answer to your question, no, I do not believe that it is OK for a young lady to flirt with a young man with whom she is not in a relationship with.  ~Trey Edwards (Youth of Eternity)


I can’t add much more to it other than to recommend you read Proverbs.  It uses a “flirty” woman very often as a metaphor for fools and destruction. 

Love in Christ,

Kelsea M.




10 responses

8 08 2008

I definitely agree with this one! It can be distracting having someone flirt with you. Whether it’s a guy or girl doing the flirting, you are creating a stumbling block for people, believer or non-believer. The best thing to do is go to God’s word. Proverbs, the Corinthians, and 1&2 Timothy all talk about keeping it pure. Keeping a Godly mindset and truly walking-the-walk. My brother puts it perfectly: “I used to think that purity was just physical, so the promise wasn’t that hard for me to make. I knew that I wanted to give my future wife something priceless. After doing that, I figured that was all I needed to do. Stay physically pure. Simple, right? Well, God put it on my heart that purity isn’t just physical. It’s mental and spiritual as well. Keeping the inside of God’s temple clean is also important. ‘Am I truly pure if my mind is full of lust for that person?’ ‘Would my future wife really appreciate my purity if I did nothing about my thoughts? Or would she love me all the more by seeing that I asked God for help to keep my thoughts clean?’ It’s not just about saying no to temptation physically. We’re still giving in to temptation if we allow ourselves to dwell in it mentally. By asking for God’s help and wisdom, we aren’t just saying no; we’re turning a complete 180.”

For those who might not agree, please read 1 Timothy 4:12 and 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4. And take a look at both The Rebelution and The Silver Ring Thing websites. God bless all of you!

9 08 2008

Thanks for this post! I’ve been struggling with wanting to flirt…and yet, I’ve known it’s not healthy. So, this post was very timely. =)

9 08 2008

Thanks for pulling these ‘words of wisdom’ together! I don’t think that I ‘flirt’, I try to view my conversations with guys as conversations with other girls husbands. I am often amazed, though, when I am actually in a conversation with someone who is a peer and a male, those don’t seem to happen very often. That may be one reason that they are more thought provoking and I am able to guard my attitude, words and actions.

9 08 2008

Jill: I totally get what you are saying! It is SO much easier to keep physical purity than emotional purity. Emotional purity, totally keeping your heart ONLY for your future spouse, is difficult. I am guilty of struggling in this area, and I think we all are. I know friends that are married emotionally. Yet they are only a teen.

The cool thing about any temptation is that God has the power to help us resist it, and all we have to do is ask for it. I can not resist the temptation to day dream, but Christ in me does. It is wonderful!

Another thing to remember is that emotional purity isn’t just lusting after someone. It isn’t just guys when they see a scantly dressed girl. It can be crushes. Especially if you are still in high school. Dwelling on any guy that is not your husband (or you are not courting or engaged to) is sin. Because it is not honoring God, or your future husband.

Trey: I have never thought about it that way before. Thanks for making me think (not for the first time to be sure). I still think that it is funny that I was talking to Josh about this when Kelsea emailed (or was it PM) you. I wish we could have gotten into it more, the three of us. Maybe some other time.
In Christ,

9 08 2008

Olivia: I’m not done with this. We can still talk about it and go deeper. This was just a beginning. I didn’t really even add anything the Bible says about it. At least I didn’t go deep enough into it as I would have liked to. I want to get older girl’s input as well as guys. I would also like to put the Bible into it more than this post did. In otherwords, this is just the beginning!!!

9 08 2008

Hey Kelsea,
By the three of us I was actually talking about Trey, Josh and Me, we all talk frequently on IM. We started talking but then got distracted.
But yeah, keep this coming. Because we all need reminders about this and it is a very “acceptable” sin. So shedding some light on this issue, I believe, will be a great blessing for girls. Maybe a thread on the forum in the living room is something to consider. Then we could get some guy’s opinions, along with the input of older girls. I could do that if you want.
In Christ,

11 08 2008

This was a cool post. You’re right about it being hard not to flirt sometimes. But keeping our eyes on Jesus and what He’d do and how much He’s in love with you helps.

15 08 2008
Trey Edwards

In particular, I’d suggest Proverbs 31. It is the last chapter of Proverbs, entirely devoted to a description of the perfect biblical wife (although most of the references are in the context of bible-times, but there is always a modern equivalent). This chapter is extremely helpful to both godly young men learning what to look for, and for godly young ladies learning what they should be like.

21 08 2008

Can anyone show from Scripture anywhere where there is any ‘relationship’ between men and women other than family or (betrothed) husband/wife?

All of the ‘flirting’ I see in Scripture, except the play that is encouraged in marriage (see Song of Solomon) is portrayed as negative.

18 09 2008

so kelsea r you saying that your against flirting isnt that kind of how yiu start a relationship is by getting to know one another and kinda flirting? curios

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