Deadly Defects of Defective Dating: Defect Number One

20 11 2008

Worth the Wait You may have noticed that I personally have not posted much of anything in the past six to seven weeks.  Now I know you didn’t feel neglected because I haven’t really posted anything, but I bet you kind of felt a little disappointed when you check on the blog and nothing had been updated in a while.  The truth is, I didn’t have time to do anything on anything.  But let’s say that I didn’t post because I just forgot about you.  I was too caught up in something or someone else to do what God has put on my heart to do.

Now, I’m coming back because I lost interest in that something or someone else.  How would that make you feel?

Now imagine that you aren’t just a blog reader, but that you are one of my very best friends.  How many of you have had your best friends taken away by the dating game?  How many of you have been the one who was caught up in the game only to become disillusioned with it and come back to find that all of your friends have moved on?  I personally have been the victim of the former.  But this isn’t a sob-story.  This is a warning of one of the fatalities of dating gone wrong.  This is an inevitable part of most relationships.  This defect is not as deadly as some of the others, but it causes pain and emotional turmoil that shouldn’t be an issue in our lives right now because we have many more important things to get involved in and grow in.

As teenagers, we tend to spend most of our time worrying about problems with our friends that normally had roots in the fact that our friend left us for some guy and now she’s crawling back for help.  At least that’s the way it is in my high school.  What we should be doing is getting to know God better and having a strong relationship with Him. 

People like to ask, “Well, if they don’t date, how are they going to know who God wants them to marry?”  First of all, it’s not like they are going to get married in sixth grade!  And I’m not planning on getting married in the ninth grade or anytime soon.  Second of all, if they would spend the time they spend texting a boyfriend or going out with a boyfriend or whatever they do to spend time with their boyfriends with God and getting to know Him better, you wouldn’t have to worry about missing the guy God wants because you will be so close to God that it’s like knowing what your best friend is thinking now.  You will know.  God will make sure of it.  Besides, if you’re too busy with your boyfriend later in college or wherever, you may just miss who God has picked out for you.  Wouldn’t that be a tragedy?

Why add the extra pain for something that will not last?


Putting Love to Sleep: Part Two

12 11 2008

I said in the last post that I was going to share my resolutions about glorifying God in my relationships with guys with you and that is what I am here to do right now. Now just to give you a heads up, some of these are a little redundant, I apologize but that is just the way they were sort of formed in my mind when I wrote them.

  • I will not give any of my heart away until I know it is the one that God has chosen for me to marry.
  • I will look at guys as brothers and not potential husbands. I will treat them with purity and respect so that if either of our future spouses were watching they would be pleased. (This is called the “eyeball” rule by Eric Ludy.)
  • I will be careful of the effect my words as a female could have on a guy. I will not use charm or flirtations to get them to do something.
  • I will not seek complements or flattery but those I do get I will respond to with humility and grace.
  • I will show respect to the young men in my life and let them lead. I will submit to Godly male leadership.  Women today are not at all submissive.  They take offense when a man tries to be a gentleman, calling it sexist.  It has gotten to the point where our roles as men and women have switched, but it’s not supposed to be that way.  I could write a whole post on this, but I think I’ll wait a while. 
  • I will not allow thoughts into my mind that are in any way lustful, impure, or sensual, but I will fill my mind with Christ and the cross. Making every thought obedient to Christ.  This is a hard one.  All girls, myself included, seem to have this problem.  Many times I catch myself looking at a guy and asking if he’s hot or whatever.  I have to mentally slap myself in order to stop it. 
  • I will not lead on guys by flirting and charm. If there are any issues with guys liking me or the think I like them I will clear it up right away.
  • I will treat all single guys like married men because someday they most likely will be.

So there you have it. I would encourage all of you reading this to make some of your own resolutions or promises on this issue. I am pretty sure that this list will grow over time as I have more and more life experiences and know more of what I need to be fighting against. May the Lord bless you all. In Christ, Olivia <><

Putting Love to Sleep: Part One

7 11 2008

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 8:4

If you are like me you have heard this verse a few times before. And for those of you who have read I Kissed Dating Goodbye you are familiar with this verse. We tell others and ourselves to not “awaken love before it’s time”, but do we truly understand this? I am not sure if I even do, or should I say “did”.
See I have tried to make promises a few times before that I would not have crushes and try to keep my mind off guys, ect. We all know all females how extremely hard this task is, and I will admit I have failed many times in the last year or so that I have decided to try to keep my heart pure. I admit to being a day dreamer and a curious person. I am always wondering what my life will be like in the future and I try to imagine it in different ways.
I have a very close friend that is very similar to me in this way. She, like myself is in favor of courtship and is saving her first kiss for the man she marries. She also struggles a lot with her emotions and having crushes. She admits to being too trusting of guys and just ending up hurt, even though she hasn’t given anything away physically and hasn’t even been in a dating relationship.

A few weeks ago God had made it clear to me that I needed to stop reading and writing love stories because I was falling in love (I know that sounds strange) with the men in those stories. I was giving my heart away to guys that don’t even exist and I knew that was wrong. Then shortly after that God also started telling me that I needed to make sure that everything I do glorifies Him. (You can read more about that on my blog.) I started making some resolutions on different things and I made a bunch on how I relate to guys (which with Keslea’s permission I will share them in a future post).
So when I was talking to my close friend last week I asked her to consider to join me in a choice I had made: To not give any of my heart away until I know it is the one that God has chosen for me to marry. As I said to her, this wont be an easy thing at all but I believe it is what God is calling me to do. I have tried to do stuff like this before but I think that this time it might actually work, as long as I rely on God’s power instead of my own. Also this time I have my friend there to be my partner in prayer and my accountability and encouragement.

I also want to challenge you to do this too. As I said before, it isn’t going to be easy, but it is something that will be rewarding. To stand at the altar on your wedding day and to know that the man in front of you is getting your entire heart will be a wonderful feeling. To keep love sleeping in our day and age it a very tough task, but it is not going to go without reward. And with God’s power we can do anything!

Olivia E.


I also have real problems with this.  I think all girls do to an extent.  It’s really something that we can’t help.  On our own.  That doesn’t make it any less of a sin or any more acceptable.  When Solomon sayed that we should not awaken love, that pretty much means that girls should not be all over guys when there is no way that they are going to be marrying that person, especially at age 16 or younger.  In other words, it is not time for us to date.